thePlace

    I watch the evening fades into yesterday – dimly and inescapably. The fathomless sky is thick with grey clouds, tinges of violet reflected in a small opening. Soon I’ll be covered with total darkness. I watched myself wedged, waiting to see the journey end. I feel my wish to move silently into the impermanence of things, see myself fluxes with the emptiness of things.

    It is as though I have been living in this part of the world for ages and ages, and it seems that I knew every tree outside the Space, in the horizon and beyond. I have watched the new banana leaf shot up from the middle of the trunk, twirled into a straight forceful tube impatiently waiting to unfold, sprang opened into majestic lime green oblong fan, turned into dark green, wafted sideway by the new ones, trampled by the wind and rain, gave way to rutted tatters, turned yellow brown and dwindling off. The past was here, the present was here and I could imagine no other future than the banana tree, the new shoot, the perfect lime green sheet, the broken brown leaf, and again another shoot, the lime green, the brown, over and over again….

    How ordinary everything seems - simple and just is. Life passes, moves on and disappears. Droves of flying ants fluttered in flurry around the light, next day only masses of wings and overfed geckos remain. Next came the scarabs - the little black reddish ones, the big grey ones and the white ones. They horded the bulb for a few days and then noiselessly vanished. Mob of tiny caterpillars invaded the space, lingered for a week and mysteriously left no trace….

    There is no separation between the ‘I’, and the width and breath of the surrounding. Not knowing where ‘I’ end, and another begins – there are no boundaries. There’s only one thing that is certain - it all came to the same thing in the end, death. There is no reality, the essence is all emptiness. What is this ‘me’ that I feel? Who is this ‘I’? Where is it? It sees, it thinks, it feels – so fleetingly seductive, none of it is real. The eyes & thoughts still growing blur from living in confusion; it’s the mind’s perception that has lodged immovably within for eons that is playing the tricks.

    The ‘I’ has floated out, sojourned again and again in the space of boundlessness. It needs to be grounded, to live life. And it is wishing to be united - while work, growth and change consume the ‘me’. Wishing to expose the hidden hypocrisies, for the heart to be opened up, for the space to be cleared up, wishing to surrender, to connect….

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    I just found out that I might have lost my email account – the one and only one since I started yahooing more than 10 years ago. So goes the blissfool one. It’s time to learn detachment again, to let go. It’s time to start anew.

 

    I have lost all contacts so please write me at leenarliew@gmail.com