thePlace

To rant, to rave, to make situation would not have helped (unless miraculously a large amount of Rupiahs appears). So I stop – mindless and immobile, hovering in mid space, not knowing where to land and not caring. For 2 weeks I simply watch - I watch myself battle with a terrible skin outbreaks, watch my emotions ebb and flow, watch my thoughts hang in space. Quite alone and indifferent, the world below the green hill of Kayu Putih is lapsing into a grey wish-wash of nothingness. I have no contact, no connexion anywhere.

Daily, I watch the sun sets upon the Bali Sea painting the sky violet and pink. I watch the night sky covering the Space and uncovering, the clouds dancing, birdsong and sweet smell of cloves ripening. I want to be part of things, letting all that is happening pour through, and surrender….

In the dark of the night, I stood in the garden, alone with the night sky and the trees. Rivers of stars above, I sense pure aloneness, with no taint of people – I am at peace. I am one with the surrounding. A bright state of seemingly pure spontaneity, a blithe obliviousness - my heart is indeed filled with gratitude, with love that overflows, fearless and full of yearning – I wanted to reach out and touch, to grow like the trees, the unfold

There were no workers – there is no material and Made hasn’t paid them for the last month. The buildings are not quite done; sit in limbo, deadly still with unfinished pillars, half-way paints…. I have reached the maximum amount that I could lend Made; he is still out of money and disappears from the project.

With the quietness and aloneness, I find strength again. There is still the unknown, the unsettled problems. Couple of real estate brokers came by and wanted to list the Place for sale, I listened but make no decision.

I’m letting things happen, watching….